reflections..confessions..

I love you..ive loved you since last year..since we met at the very first event i joined in tp..

i guess we dont know each other that well.. till now i still cannot answer what draws me to you so strongly.. i just watched the movie "click"..

it realli got me thinking.. do i treasure the people around me ? have i been hurting them ? have i been insensitive..do i take them for granted ? it also got me thinking about you..got me thinking about how our lives have been.. our distances..how much we communicate..

i didnt have the courage to tell you i liked you then.. i still dont.. im afraid.. id love to ask you out..often ive felt so strong a longing just to call you up and hear your voice.. but somehow.. i fail to do so.. i just didnt dare.. just didnt dare to ask you out.. didnt dare to do anything..

its realli true when people say its far more easier to ask someone you dont love out..rather than someone you love..

people say..always try.. else you would never know how it would be.. ive given the same advice to people..to try..be brave..coz you never know.. you may be 2gether..i can never seem to apply this to my own life.. i dont dare to try..

ive thought of possible reasons why i do not dare.. the obvious one being e fear of rejection.. but.. for the past few months..there was another reason that came to me..it was the reason that when it came to things concerning you..i simply could not "try"..this time..i was serious.. i was serious about you..

for the past year..ive tried telling myself things like..i do not love you.. tried telling myself things like..i like another gal.. ur not my type..

each time i end up feeling defeated..im a person who cannot lie to myself.. each time..after every failed attempt of trying to convince myself that i didnt love you..i end up feeling more lonely..sometimes late at night..i lie awake.. and i feel no ones with me in tis world..

everytime i hear of you going out late..i cant help but worry.. worry about who ur with.. whether you would be safe with them.. i know ur old enough..but do parents ever stop worrying about their kids ? id like to ask you who ur wif..but yet at the same time..i do not want to intrude too much.. maybe i just dont wanna hear something that would make me feel worse.. i end up asking nothing..

the past year has flown by..it is almost ending..i wasted the year..tryin to lie to myself..i tell myself i must face the truth..there is no more running..

those who know me..those whom have asked who i had in my heart..ive told them your name..

as long as i have feelings for you..be it whether i am 18 years old or 81 years old..i will not say i love another..even if it means staying single for the rest of my life.. i would.. this will be my promise to you.. all i ask..is that you let me care..i wanna be here for you..for all time..

dont.. be ashamed to cry..let me see you through..coz ive seen the dark side too..nothing you confess..could make me love you less..

ilu...